smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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