Are we in a gay sports bar?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
