there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
