There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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