i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
