____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
