Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
