ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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