sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
