First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
