it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
