So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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