I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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