i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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