24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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