he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
