My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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