My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
