I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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