dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
