before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
