Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
