Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
