there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
