She's JV to your varsity
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
