it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
