wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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