i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
