I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
