I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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