btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
