On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
