the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
