My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
