True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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