Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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