so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
