my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
