Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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