I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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