I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
how drunk are you?
Several
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
