you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
