Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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