It's Friday. Sex?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
