There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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