Apparently you make a good broom.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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