I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
