i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
