i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
