How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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