then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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